Dead Boy's Ballet
by Unspoken Tragedy
Summary: Chap 4 up! 'In the stages of grief it seemed Severus was stuck on Anger' What would Snape's life be like without Voldemort? AU
1. No One Will Cry at My Funeral

**Title: Dead Boy's Ballet**

**Author: Unspoken Tragedy**

**Rating: PG-13**

**Spoilers: None **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Snape. I don't own Riddle, or Dumbledore either. I don't own Hogwarts.**

**Summery: "You just must understand, Tom, that it all was ultimately for the greater good." ****What would the wizarding world be like without Voldemort? AU**

**Series: None**

**A/N: Everything else is currently being worked on. I promise.

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**Dead Boy's Ballet**

**Prologue: No One Will Cry at My Funeral**

He was only thirteen years old. In the eyes of the rest of the world, that would make him almost-but-not-quite an adult, but to Albus he was nothing more than a child. Blood caked the side of his head, and he lay in a pool of that dark liquid as if merely resting. A small leather bound book lay at his outstretched hand. Dumbledore picked it up.

Blank. Aside from the cover, the entire book was blank. The transfiguration professor cast a few quick revealing charms on it. Again, nothing. There was no indication whatsoever of why the young wizard had taken this book to his death. He slipped it into his robes anyways.

Black hair half-covered the child's face, but Dumbledore would have known Tom Riddle from anywhere. An expression of quiet hatred was ever present, even in death. "It is such a shame," a calm voice said from behind him.

"Headmaster Dippet." Albus looked at him questioningly.

"In the days of the Founders many children died at Hogwarts due to experimentation. It was especially prominent in the Slytherin house, where students practiced Dark Arts." Dippet moved over to Riddle's body.

The professor shook his head. "There should be an investigation. We don't know that this was an accident at all."

"He's an orphan, Albus. No one will come to claim his body. A murder in Hogwarts may shut down this institution for good! I know that I do not have to tell you that the ministry has been questioning the safety of this school again." The Headmaster turned away from the dead child.

"It's better this way, Professor Dumbledore."

"And if I don't agree?" There was steel in his voice now.

Dippet caught his gaze before answering. "How embarrassing it must be to be fired. I, you see, have never been so unfortunate. It is highly unlikely you would find another job after being sacked from this one…"

"So, it comes to that, then?"

"Doesn't it always, professor? You know, I've been looking forward to retirement for quite some time now. You understand that it is customarily the Deputy that follows in the Headmaster's footsteps. Who shall I choose in your absence?" The look on his boss's face was thoughtful, and quite frankly, it disturbed him.

Dumbledore sighed. Riddle was really only just another child that no one cared about. What would it matter should he just disappear? No one would mourn his passing anyhow. He leaned over the Slytherin child, brushed away a bit of black hair covering his face. "We can have a quiet ceremony for him here, keep his ashes in the Headmasters quarters, remember this child forever," Dippet whispered. "It would be more than he would get any other way."

"He deserves more than that."

"Yes," the Headmaster answered. "But this is for the greater good. Without this institution, how many children would be left without a magical education? Hogwarts is important, Albus. And if you ever hope to be headmaster, then you must learn to place her above anything else, including your morals."

The professor nodded, and in one smooth movement he lifted the boy into his arms. The limp body felt more like a doll than a child. "Not here."

Dippet smiled at him sadly. "We can perform the ceremony in my office."

Though the body of Tom Riddle was not light, Albus remained while the other cleaned the third floor bathroom. He felt like a murderer as the last remnants of proof that the boy had died were cleaned away. Were they erasing his existence too with this act?

The ceremony was a quiet cremation performed in the late hours of the night. Riddle's possessions were summoned and burned with him- the only real tribute they could offer this child whilst still hiding his death.

As the golden flames engulfed the lean body, Dippet spoke a few words on Tom's behalf. It may have been quite moving had the only witnesses not been the few wakeful portraits hanging on the walls of the headmaster's office. They had agreed with the Headmaster that controversy could very well destroy Hogwarts forever and they, now more than ever, were charged with protecting the school that they had also served in life.

How unfair it was to sacrifice this child's very existence for the sake of an _institution_. How sad it was that most would forget him within a handful of years. He had been such a brilliant mind…

They scattered his ashes from the astronomy tower. Dippet smiled sadly as he laid the container that had held them on the ledge and banished it. Albus felt a few warm tears snake their way into his beard. He would be the only to mourn this child now.

His boss had already carefully constructed lies to cover the death of Tom Riddle. He was called back home to attend to the death of a friend. And should he not return? Well, that was certainly his choice. He had packed all of his bags as if he would not.

The Transfiguration professor knew that the stories would run rampant from there, but it mattered little when no one could possibly guess the real reason their classmate had left their ranks forever. Thank Merlin he was a Slytherin. The only ones who regarded his leave-taking seriously were sure to be others of his house. And how very easy it was to ignore _their_ concerns. The Snakes were pretty strongly cut off from the other houses. The number of Dark Wizards (including Salazar Slytherin) that came from Slytherin was daunting. Of course the students would be wary of the students residing in that house. And their own subsequent suspicions did not help their case at all.

He winced at his own thoughts. He shouldn't think so negatively about one fourth of his students. He was silent through the rest of his exchange with Dippet; after which he wearily made his way back to his own quarters.

"I'm sorry," Dumbledore whispered as he laid the journal on his nightstand. "It shouldn't have ended out like this."

"You just must understand, Tom, that it all was ultimately for the greater good."

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**TBC**

**A/N: Bad News: This is not going to be a happy story.**

**Good News: This will be quite a bit different from any story like this you have seen thus far.**

**But in this story Dumbles gets his. I swear.**


	2. Open Your Eyes

**A/N: Probably not what you were hoping for. Eh. These things come as they decide to. Sorry.**

**BTW: ****Betrayed With a Kiss**** is the next story I will update. I've been missing that one.

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**Dead Boy's Ballet  
****Chapter One: Just Open Your Eyes and See That Life Is Beautiful**

Another school year had come and a new batch of first years along with it. Years earlier, with the retirement of his predecessor, Albus Dumbledore had gained the post of Headmaster. The job was not without its perks, of course, but there were still times when he wished he had turned it down. Like now, for instance.

He resisted the urge to drop his head into his hands and refocused his gaze to the source of his discomfort. Standing together with the other first years was a dark haired boy and a redheaded girl. She was pretty, with her lovely hair carefully curled into ringlets and bright green eyes glittering like jewels. He was small and scrawny, with limp black hair and too pale skin. She was whispering nervously, focusing more on her friend than the Sorting before her. He shook his head and took her hand. She appeared quite a bit more relaxed after that.

It wasn't the interaction between the two children that bothered the old wizard. No, Albus was quite pleased to witness the solid relationship between two so markedly different youths. As "Evans, Lily" moved away from her male friend to place the Sorting Hat on her head, Dumbledore pondered what exactly about the young boy disturbed him so.

Then he caught the child's eye and knew. There was this odd expression on the boy's face when he wasn't looking at Lily. This terrible mixture of pain and anger and steely determination. He remembered where he had seen that expression once before. On another young dark haired boy who had been Sorted in this hall at eleven years old.

He was momentarily brought back to his last memory of that other child. Young Tom Riddle in his pool of blood with that empty journal. Dumbledore ripped his gaze away from "Snape, Severus" as he was called up to the Sorting Hat and tried not to shudder. It seemed that whatever god had witnessed Riddle's death was quite adamant that Albus not forget even the minutest detail regarding it.

And that god had sent Severus to ensure he didn't. The Sorting Hat pronounced Snape a Slytherin and Albus felt his stomach drop. When the boy met his eyes before moving over to his new housemates, the Headmaster couldn't hide his disappointment. Snape flinched and sat down next to an eager Malfoy.

Even years later, Dumbledore knew that the reason the Slytherin never met his eyes was not because the boy was afraid of what the Headmaster might see in his eyes, but what he would see in the older wizard's.

-.-

Since his first ride on the Hogwarts Express, Severus had become a sort of legend. Days afterward, he still wasn't sure whether that was a good or bad thing. Sure, he had gained several allies with this newfound popularity. But he had also garnered a few tenacious enemies. If they could be called that.

He had been sitting alone in a compartment, reading Cloak and Dagger: A Wizard's Guide to Fighting Duels to Win. He started when he heard the door slid open to admit two dark haired boys, one with messy hair and glasses and the other with a cavalier smile and silky hair nearly reaching his shoulders. Snape sighed.

"Oi, James!" the one boy said to his bespeckled friend, "looks like we have company."

"Hey, you!" James directed to Severus. "How about you find yourself another compartment and leave this here one to us."

Snape scowled. "No."

The other boy laughed heartily. "He must not realize who he's speaking to. Sirius Black is the name, kid, of the Ancient and Noble House of Blacks. This here's James Potter, of the Potter line. Get it?"

"Yeah," Potter chimed in with a bow and a grin, "we're pretty much royalty."

He rolled his eyes. "Oh that makes much more sense then." Severus then turned back to his book. "You are certainly free to share this compartment with me. But I will not leave, sorry."

The pair looked at him for a long moment, then sat down. After a moment they began to discuss Hogwarts. "Yeah, and everyone knows that Slytherin is where dark wizards go…" Sirius was saying just as Severus's patience reached its end, "So of course my mother wants me to be Sorted there."

"That's just a rumor, you know," Snape argued. "The other houses have turned out just as many dark wizards. I read it in an article in Arithmency Monthly over at Flourish and Blot's. The real numbers of wizards that have turned dark are quite close in each house, with no more than a five percent difference between any two."

Black let out a breath that sounded more like a hiss and Severus knew that he had said something wrong almost immediately. "I'm afraid I didn't read that one. Unlike pompous little arses such as yourself, I do not have time to read every scrap of literature that appears in my immediate vicinity."

"I-"

James was apparently angry as well. "You see, kid, we don't have to flaunt our knowledge to whatever person happens to be within earshot."

"I didn't mean to…"

"What's your name?" Black snapped.

"Severus. Severus Snape." His hands were shaking by now, so he tucked them into his lap to cover their shiver.

The boys started laughing cruelly. "Of course _you're_ Snape," Potter sneered. "We've heard all about your poor stupid mother and her poor alcoholic muggle pet."

Snape slammed his book shut. "Now, that was uncalled for!" he snapped. "I didn't mean any harm by what I said! Get out of my compartment." He pointed to the door, proud to note that his hand wasn't shaking.

"Hit a nerve, _Snape_, what- you gunna cry?" Black taunted.

"Get out!" As the pair whipped out their wands, he slid his out of his sleeve and cried the first defensive spell he could think of. The pair was tossed against the compartment door so hard it whipped open and they were thrown into the hall. He deposited their trunks outside the door as well and slammed it in their face.

Apparently they had more pride than to try him again that day. But it had caused an all out war between the other boys (who went on to become Gryffindors) and him. And since their little spat had not gone unnoticed it had also earned him the respect and fear of quite a few others.

After Potter and Black had skulked away, his compartment door opened again. "Severus!" the redhead that entered his hideaway admonished. "I was just talking to a few other first years when I'd noticed you'd disappeared from right behind me! I've been looking for you for hours!"

"Lily." Severus smiled. "No, you haven't. You only just recently realized I was gone, just as I planned. You know I don't do well with crowds."

Lily laughed and sat down next to him.

The day hadn't been a total loss, he mused as he was eating breakfast the next morning. Before they had left for the train, Severus had been so afraid that Lily would abandon him when he wasn't the only wizard available to her. His fears were ridiculous he had learned. Even after she heard of his spat with those other boys and then had been Sorted with them, she still remained his best friend.

He felt almost lucky then. Unfortunately he was soon to learn that luck was the very last thing he had.

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**TBC**

**A/N: When I decided to go about this story, I wanted to write it in a way that I had not seen done before. This isn't a "who these people would be without Voldemort" kind of story. They would be the same people even without his influence. **

**I.e. Sirius's family didn't push the Dark Arts on him because of Voldemort. They did it because that was what THEY believed in.**

**And I don't hate Dumbledore. This isn't a let's bash Dumble's story. I hope this story paints him out as merely human. He's made mistakes and now he's gunna have to face up to them. **

**Next time: Things start to go bad for Severus as he realizes he's made a mistake in angering James and Sirius... and that for some strange reason the Headmaster seems to have it in for him.**


	3. Learn to Lie

**A/N: Yay! A timely update! After this, I'll be updating ****Angel of Death.**** So keep your eyes open for that!

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**Dead Boy's Ballet  
Chapter Two: You Can't Learn to Tell the Truth 'Til You Learn to Lie  
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Severus was on his way to the Great Hall when he heard angry voices in an empty classroom. He peered in the doorway to see a small brunette boy with tattered robes being pushed around by three boys.

"Remus, you said you'd help us!" the tall arrogant boy Snape knew as James Potter was growling.

"Yeah," drawled James's ever present companion, Sirius Black. "I thought you were our friend."

"I am!" cried the boy they had addressed as Remus. He was being held from behind by a rotund blonde boy.

James slapped him. "Then prove it."

Severus was then and always would be a Slytherin. As such, he knew that the smart thing would be to turn around and leave the boy to his "friends." But he knew what it was like to be smacked around by someone who claimed to care for him, and he just couldn't leave the boy there. Even if it was what he had chosen by befriending those jerks.

So, he went against all rational thought and stepped into the room. "I should have known you would smack around your friends. You certainly do so to your acquaintances."

"No-" Remus cried, "You don't understand!"

"Hear that, you nosy brat?" sneered Black.

Snape shook his head. "I know abuse when I see it," he said with certainty.

"Mind your own business, Snape." Potter seemed to want him to leave more than revenge over what had occurred during their last meeting.

The blonde boy roughly shoved his brown haired captive away. He and his friends pulled out their wands as if on cue. Severus could see how his hand shook though, and focused his attentions on Potter and Black.

Any skirmish that may have happened amongst the boys was cut abruptly short when McGonagall entered the scene. _"Expelliarmus!"_ All of their wands flew into her hand, including the almost uninvolved Remus's.

"I am very disappointed in you boys," she addressed the five coldly. "Fighting is not tolerated here at Hogwarts." She gestured for them to follow her. "Come along then, Lupin," she voiced when he made no move to follow.

For the entire trek to the Headmaster's office she lectured them on respectable behavior; pointedly stating that she expected much better from the members of her house. Severus wondered if she realized he was a Slytherin and said what she did purposefully. Maybe she had seen what was happening before she intervened and he was going to be let off. He hadn't done anything wrong.

He slapped himself internally. He knew helping the pitiful brunette was a stupid thing to do.

The Headmaster started out upon them with a sound dressing down. At the fifth repetition of the word 'ashamed' Severus didn't bother listening other than to count how many times he would use that one word. He forgot his count though when the old man hissed the one word, "Explain."

Potter launched into a story that was so far from the truth that it could have originated from the moon. "You see, Headmaster, we were going to the Great Hall for lunch when Snape here grabbed Remus and started hassling him. He told Remus that he wanted all of his money and that he would- he would do something really awful to him if he didn't comply. When we stood up for our friend he slapped him so hard he fell."

"We got out our wands to protect him, sir," Black continued on. "He's our friend." Peter nodded emphatically.

"Is that true, Mr. Lupin?" Dumbledore asked.

Snape looked at the boy expectantly. Surely he would tell the truth. They couldn't be that great of friends if they were hitting him!

"Yes," the boy said softly, looking down at his feet.

None of the other boys had looked the old wizard in the eye, for fear of him detecting their falsehood, but the Slytherin didn't meet his eye for another reason entirely. "That's a lie."

"Did I ask you to speak, Mr. Snape?"

"You told us to explain. I was explaining that they were lying to you," Severus answered.

"Ten points from Slytherin." The Headmaster looked over the five of them. "For the three of you Misters Potter, Black, and Pettigrew: detention. Fighting for any reason, even to protect a friend, is still fighting. Mr. Lupin, go to the hospital wing and get some salve on that cheek, and your arms as well." Severus started. The bruised face was easy to see, but no one had mentioned the boy's arms were similarly marked. "Mr. Snape, a weeks worth of detention. You should know better than to attack your fellow students."

"I didn't! They're lying to you!" Snape cried. "There's no person in their right mind that would attack someone with so many witnesses-"

"That is enough, Mr. Snape. Or would you like to make that a month of detentions?" Severus stared at him coldly then turned his gaze to the Deputy Headmistress, who had been there the whole time.

"Perhaps you should hear the boy out," she said evenly.

Dumbledore smiled benignly at her. "The matter has already been sorted out. There's nothing more to discuss."

"Then you wouldn't mind if I escorted Mr. Snape to his next class? I do believe lunch is over and the first year Slytherins have Transfiguration with me." Dumbledore nodded at her and she placed a hand on his shoulder and steered him out of the office.

When they were a few corridors away from the Headmaster's office, she spoke to him. "Is there anything you'd like to tell me about what happened, Mr. Snape?"

"Why should I bother with my own version, ma'am? Is anything going to actually happen with them?" He looked her in the eyes. "Lucius told me that Slytherins were treated unfairly here. I thought better than to believe him."

"If I believed that the Headmaster's decision to punish you had anything to do with the house you were in, I would have contested it, Mr. Snape." Her face belied her words, though.

"No, you wouldn't have," he responded. "But that's okay. He's your boss. Mum says that arguing with the boss is tantamount to putting in you resignation." She simply stood there, this eerie silence having overtaken her. He nodded to himself and started walking again. She moved to follow him and quickly fell into step with the child.

"I am sorry, Mr. Snape."

"Why? You didn't do anything, ma'am." He frowned over at the professor.

She sighed. "That's precisely why I am sorry."

-.-

When he detailed the events to Lily, she scolded him for speaking so candidly to not only the Headmaster, but his Deputy as well. "You need to be careful, Severus," she told him. "People around here are just looking for a reason to discredit you Slytherins. Seeing one get expelled wouldn't help the case that you aren't the spawn of all evil."

"I don't get it, Lily." He sighed. "Lucius told me it was because a fight amongst the Founders, and some of the best known dark wizards were Slytherin, but that's just stupid. Of course the evil Slytherins would be the best known. They have more ambition than the other houses."

"I think it's because people are always looking for someone else to blame when bad things happen," Lily answered slowly. "It makes bad stuff easier to accept."

He stared at her. She shrugged. "I've been reading some of my mum's psychology books. You can borrow them sometime if you like."

Severus nodded enthusiastically. He loved to read, even muggle books captivated him to no end. "I think Dumbledore dislikes me more than most, though. He wouldn't even let me talk…"

Lily's eyes searched his face. "I think you really believe that. But why, Severus? Why you? You've done nothing wrong."

"I don't know, Lily.

"But I'm going to find out."

She smiled at his resolve. "And I'll there to help you, no matter what."

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**TBC**

**A/N: So this is where things start to get a bit different. Severus may seem a bit too nice here. I like to see him try to do nice things sometimes.**

**BTW: the title of this story AND the title of all the chapters in this story were taken from a cd. Kudos to those who can figure out which cd that is (and who the artist is).**


	4. Way Back Home

**A/N: Here's to timely updates on at least one story! BTW: Kudos to Emu, who saw that my titles were based off Nikki Sixx's album, the Herione Diaries (just got the similarly titled book, soooooo excited about that).

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**Dead Boy's Ballet**

**Chapter Three: There's Nothing Like a Trail of Blood to Find Your Way Back Home**

Albus Dumbledore was a busy man. Heading a school entitled a great amount of time and care. So, that he spent so much time watching one single child out of all the students enrolled at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was nothing short of ridiculous. Still.

Some might consider his actions toward the Snape boy cruel. He certainly didn't enjoy being so harsh with the child. Yet every time he looked at Severus he envisioned a fate much like Tom's- dead because of a decision to experiment with the darker side of magic- and he lashed out at him. _Spare the rod, spoil the child._

Severus had so much potential…

"This has to stop, Albus!"

"What does, Minerva?" he inquired politely after watching the woman storm into his office.

"You don't even listen to the boy. It's folly to assume that he could be the sole instigator in all of the incidents that occur between him and Potter and his friends."

He looked at her evenly. "If you feel that my actions toward Severus are unfair, then why do you not take care of the situation yourself?"

"You know that the other teachers would accuse me of bias. Who has more to gain from over-punishing a student than the head of his rival house?" She did have a point there. "What is it about him- why can't you act rationally around this child?"

The Headmaster regarded his deputy seriously. "I realize that it is difficult for you to understand my behavior towards this boy. Rest assured that I only have his best interests at heart."

"Albus."

"Minerva. Severus needs a heavy hand to guide him, not coddling." The look in her eyes was rather strange, as if she were on the verge of tears. "Are you quite alright?"

She stood. "You tell me that a child isn't worth consideration and you ask _me_ if I'm alright?"

"I didn't say that."

"Of course. You never actually say anything, do you Albus? You just play with your living chess pieces like some fanatical child and expect everyone to follow your lead even if you never tell them why." Anger froze her features into something horrible.

"Professor McGonagall," his voice cut through the tension in the room like a frozen blade. "You will never speak to me in such a manner again.

"You are dismissed."

She stalked out of the room and he felt like the child she accused him of being as he glared at her back.

He knew he didn't act in a rational manner when it came to Severus Snape.

-.-

It had not escaped Severus that he had not been sent to the Headmaster's office in a while. While, for most, this means that they hadn't gotten into trouble it simply was not true for this boy. His fights with the two-and-a-half Gryffindors (Pettigrew couldn't really count for more than that as he was rarely involved- running seemed to be his preferred fighting style) still caused him quite a bit of grief. Now, however, these matters were handled by the Deputy Headmistress and not Dumbledore himself.

He gazed at the whirring silver objects around him. He had been rather glad of the change. With McGonagall punishments were much more fairly doled out, even if she were the Head of Gryffindor.

That didn't explain why Snape was called to the Headmaster's office today, though. The old wizard hadn't even shown up yet as urgent his summons had been. The dark haired boy stood, fully prepared to leave when something on the great desk before him caught his eye. A black leather bound book, appearing wholly unrelated to anything else sitting on the desk. He moved over to it and opened the cover when the door opened behind him. In a brief moment of panic he slipped the book into his robes and turned to face the Professor. He didn't want the man to have proof he was snooping, even if it was a bit obvious.

"Find anything of interest?" Dumbledore asked him.

"No, sir," he answered in the same polite tone as the other, "Only a peacock feather quill-" here he gestured to the item on the desk- "which I have wanted one of for quite some time."

The Headmaster looked at him as if he spotted the lie, so he continued to speak, "Sir. I was told that you required something of me?"

The old man let the other subject drop and regarded him for a moment. "Maybe you'd feel more comfortable sitting down?"

"No, I'd rather prefer to stand." If only for the fact that standing helped lessen the difference in height between the pair. Severus despaired the disadvantage he was put at with being so much shorter than most his age.

"I am afraid I have bad news." The small wizard simply watched him speak. The old man seemed to be fidgeting. Was the hand that reached into his pocket reaching for some candy, or was it to keep said hand from giving his agitation away? "Your mother has passed on today."

He felt his mouth open at its own accord and heard his words as if they were spoken by someone else. "How did this happen?" A voice so detached it may have come from any other Slytherin.

Blue eyes glanced past him. He turned as well, to see an unfamiliar man enter the room. "Blunt force trauma," the man informed him. Blond hair was spiked out in odd angles and his robes were remarkably tight-fitted. There was a strange tattoo on the back of his hand, which Severus suddenly recognized as the symbol of an Auror.

"This is Auror Sanders, from the Crime Scene Division," Dumbledore told him.

"You know who did this to her," Snape addressed the wizard. "Or you think it was me," he added.

Sanders smiled ruefully. "Smart lad, you certainly are. The incident is still pending investigation and unfortunately that is all I can tell you at the moment."

The boy laughed coldly. "I know that my father killed her, if that's what you're attempting to avoid telling me." He looked at the Auror squarely. His hazel eyes glimmered with sympathy. Severus didn't want sympathy right now. "I wonder, do Muggles who kill witches go to Azkaban as well?" Both of the other wizards flinched.

"Mr. Snape, we may need you to testify…"

"Or perhaps this will be handled by the muggles?" He continued as if the other hadn't tried to speak.

"We'll be handling this investigation ourselves," the blond told him.

Nod. "If it can be helped, I don't want to speak in court."

"They may need your help, Severus," the Headmaster cut in.

"He is my father!"

"She was your mother."

Glare. "And as such, I care a great deal about how this all turns out. Should my father escape imprisonment I would like to preserve my own well-being, if you don't mind, _Headmaster."_

"Whatever happens, Mr. Snape," Sanders put in, "you will not return to your father."

It was a bit like freeing oneself from a long imprisonment of being kept in a cage. Except to do so he had to slice off his leg and would never be the same.

He felt something wet drip onto his hand and a light weight settle on his shoulder before he noticed Fawkes's attentions. It wasn't until then that he realized that Fawkes wasn't the only one crying either. Dumbledore knelt before him and placed two wrinkled hands on his shoulders (without knocking the Phoenix off too, which was quite a feat). Severus didn't lean into the almost-embrace. He simply tolerated it, not having the strength to shrug the touch away.

It was strange. In all the time he had imagined freedom from his father he had imagined his mother there with him. But she was never going to be there again.

Eleven-year-old Severus Snape would have gladly traded the two.

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**A/N: Yes, there will be a trial. It may or may not be next chapter, as there are other things I want to write in before facing the task of writing law stuff (when I was younger I wanted to be a lawyer, but when I realized that even a whole ton of money wouldn't make me want to do something I find boring for the rest of my life I decided against it).**

**Sanders is slightly stolen from CSI, but won't be half as quirky as Greg. So yeah, don't own him either.**

**Since (whilst zoning at Walmart the other day) I've had a plot bunnies rabidly attacking me with ideas of where to take this, expect an update soon.**


	5. You're Not Alone If You Don't Love This

**A/N:****So, the Heroin Diaries is turning out just as amazing as I expected. It's what keeps me occupied on break at work (otherwise I might try to drive somewhere and waste my money/gas).

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**Dead Boy's Ballet**

**Chapter Four: You're Not Alone if You Don't Love This Anymore**

In the stages of grief it seemed Severus was stuck on Anger.

He hated the 'loved ones' who appeared as if out of thin air. He loathed his father for killing his mother. He was mad at her for not leaving before it was too late.

His mother's funeral was a muggle one- a small one as well. At the visitation her body was laid out at the head of the room like an alter, people crying hopelessly before it. Horribly enough, Severus didn't know many of the people who had come to pay their last respects.

Truthfully, he didn't care to know these people as he stood next to his mother's cold figure. They hadn't been there to see her tears as her husband drank himself into a remorseful, sobbing stupor. They hadn't seen that man's fury when he was sober. Yes, his father was a much nicer person drunk. All he did then was sit around and moan about how he had failed them.

It was sobriety that brought out the abuse. Severus supposed that was when he realized that he was an utter failure who couldn't even provide for his family.

Lily stood at his side, holding his hand carefully as if she was afraid that if she ever let go he might disappear forever. Maybe she was right to think that. As a young child, Severus had been terribly lonely- the tiny scars that were barely visible on his forearms testified to that. He hadn't resorted to that in years, though.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," murmured a woman claiming to be an aunt as she pulled him into a gentle hug.

The dark haired boy muttered out a soft 'thanks' even as he struggled to not pull away from the woman.

At the back of the room he saw the Slytherin Prefect, Lucius Malfoy, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. Snape didn't really know him, but he had agreed to accompany Severus and Lily here (Dumbledore was afraid that they might get into some sort of trouble being here alone, not to mention the fact the Snape was a now a ward of the state and had no family to return to). The small wizard was grateful, even if he wondered what on earth Malfoy hoped to gain from this act of kindness.

He didn't cry as the visitors greeted him, not even when this man that he had never met stood up and gave a eulogy for his mother. He simply sat at his place in the front row and tried not to think of the pretty woman lying in his mother's casket that was wearing a false smile and too much make-up and looked nothing like the woman he had known.

Tears swam in his eyes as her casket was lowered underground. Six feet under, the amount it took the scent of a decaying body not to attract the attention of predators. How much too late that was. Eileen Prince had caught the affection of one many years earlier.

Lily hugged him and Lucius moved up next to him as if daring someone to try and hurt Severus while he was on watch.

And then it was over and the temporary marker was in its place in the freshly dug dirt. How lonely it looked when surrounded by huge headstones and bright flowers. Just like his mother to suffer everything alone.

"I could have saved her, Lily. I don't know how, but I could have saved her."

-.-

Sanders appeared only a day later. He was sitting in the Great Hall at lunch, picking at his food in an attempt to ignore the eyes that were watching him. _Yes, I know you think I'm not handling my grief normally. Now leave me alone. Thanks._

Severus had gone back to class that morning. He regretted it about three minutes into first period Herbology. By now the whole school knew what had happened to his mother- and they all felt the irrational need to ask him how he was doing. At the fifth person he resorted to snarling 'get the hell away from me,' which only ended up losing points for Slytherin. And if the students were annoying, the teachers were positively intolerable. If Sprout ever hugged him again and told him that she _understood how he was feeling_ (she had lost her parents at a young age as well), he might hex her. If Slughorn wasted any more time in Potions to sing the praises of Eileen Prince, he just may slip some poison into the man's morning tea. And Dumbledore- he had gone from taking points from Severus's house at every opportunity to pulling the boy aside in the hallway to tell him that his office door was always open. Snape told him that he doubted he'd ever be that desperate for someone to talk to... and lost Slytherin more points.

Sanders had fortuitous timing, really. Just as he was wanting an escape from those worried gazes, the CSD (Crime Scene Division) Auror shows up like a genie called from its bottle. He looked at Severus from the entrance of the hall and nodded. That was all the invitation the boy needed and soon both were away from the anxious, prying eyes.

"What have you learned?" Severus asked before the man even had a chance to open his mouth.

"There's a great deal of evidence to implicate your father." Sanders grinned a bit sheepishly, as if knowing that it wasn't really news to the boy. "The trial will be held in three week's time. If you do not feel up to testifying… that is certainly your decision." Snape nodded, but didn't answer the unspoken question.

As he turned to take his leave from the Auror, the blond man called him back. "There's also another matter to consider, Mr. Snape.

"Your guardianship is going to be put to the courts if we cannot find a suitable caretaker for you." He still said nothing. "The Ministry is reluctant to put you into foster care at this age, you see… They believe it would be detrimental to your development as a wizard. Not only that, but it appears none in your family are willing to take on an almost-grown boy."

Severus winced. "I see."

The older wizard sighed. "Families really suck sometimes, don't they?"

"What would you know about it?" this came out as a resentful mutter, not the calm tone he was aiming for.

"My parents gave me up for adoption when I was three months old, then disappeared for the next seventeen years of my life. When I was a day from eighteen they came back and told me they wanted to be a part of my life again." He laughed bitterly. "I was happy with my new family and told them to never speak to me again. They didn't, of course, because they died in a train accident that night."

"Why are you telling me this?"

Sanders looked almost angry for a second. "Because, kid, no one bothered to tell you that you aren't alone."

-.-

The library had always been a haven for Severus. When the Marauders were targeting him more than usual or the Slytherin common room was too full of angst he ran here. Like a favorite hiding place, Lily could find him here with little trouble.

So, when he looked up to see her green eyes he was not in the least surprise. "Sanders said they're ready for a trial," he told her when normal polite things evaded him.

"Are you?" she asked him.

He shook his head. This boy knew better than to lie to his redhead best friend. She saw through it every time. "They are also talking about my guardianship-"

"That's why I'm here, Severus," Lily cut him off. "I told my parents what happened with your mom and, well you're free to say no, but they want to adopt you."

He stared at her. Several moments passed and he still couldn't find the words to speak. Finally she spoke again. "Yeah, I guess it would be a bit weird living with a muggle family and all."

"You know it isn't that, Lily!" He shook his head. "I just didn't think…" _that anyone would want to adopt me._ "That would be great."

A smile lit up her face. "Good. Mum's already got the blueprints out to add a new room to the house. I guess she really misses being an architect. Oh, I better go write home!" He watched as his exuberant friend practically ran out the door.

As he sat there with his books he realized that he was going to have a real family this time. He had been to the Evans household many times since he had met their daughter. They had always treated him well; before he had just assumed that it was for Lily's benefit. No parent would go this far to make their child happy- or he thought no parent would, as comparing his family to a normal one was a bit like comparing buttons to beetles.

He cared about his friend a great deal. Maybe it was even love (he didn't have a good compass on such things). When they were younger the pair had attempted some sort of childish relationship, because it was what all the older kids were doing. Of course it didn't work out. They were more like brother and sister than anything else.

And now they really would be.

Trading in his old dysfunctional family for a better new one was like a dream: a mother who baked cookies filled with love, a father who brought home a steady paycheck and two sisters who bickered and fought but stood by each other to the end. Severus didn't know how he was supposed to deal with that kind of family unit.

Would they see that he was damaged and try to throw him back? Would they find out he was too much to handle and…

"Is it true?" the hissing voice brought him back to the library. Lucius Malfoy.

"What?" He was certain that he hadn't done anything to upset the older boy.

Lucius roughly pushed a pile of books out of his way and sat down in the seat Lily had vacated. "You're going to be adopted by _muggles?"_

"Yes. Although I don't see what it is to you."

He rolled his eyes. "Magical guardians would suit you far better, Snape. It was your ridiculous muggle father that was the crux of your problems…"

"They aren't all like that, Malfoy." Severus shook strands of black hair out of his face. "Lily's parents have always treated me kindly, which is a lot more than I can say for the majority of the older witches and wizards I've met."

The blond boy stared at him as if he'd just grown a third arm. "My father wanted-"

"I'd preferred to be with someone I knew." Lucius nodded sharply. He could accept that, Snape supposed. "Look, if you're really that concerned you can visit me there sometime. Lily's mum makes the best salmon… it may not be what you're used to of course."

The Prefect appeared so stunned that he realized that Lucius must not have been invited to stay at anyone's house other than for shallow business-type reasons before. Certainly not a muggle household, at any rate. There wasn't as much horror there as Severus expected, though. Maybe the Malfoy heir wasn't quite as brainwashed as many of the other Slytherins.

"Severus, our housemates aren't going to like this."

"They'll just have to get over it, then. Anyway, at least half of them are afraid of me. The others know I live in a muggle area- what difference will it make now that I'm living with two muggle parents instead of one?"

It was unfortunate then, that were there ever was a rule-book on how to be the perfect Slytherin rule number one would have went something like this:

_Thou shalt not claim kinship to muggles.

* * *

_

**TBC**

**A/N: And the Slytherins aren't the only ones with problems with this arrangement. **

**Dumbledore will be back with a vengeance in the next chapter. . Oh, and the journal Sev stole from him will resurface.**

**There will be no SSLE in this story. Sorry, I just hate the pairing. I think canon!Lily was perfectly matched with James.**

**BTW: there are five stages of grief in the Kubler-Ross model. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. Severus will probably be angry for a while, because for someone with so much hate as him this would be the hardest stage to surpass. I will likely only show snippets of the other stages, though not bargaining or denial as I believe those usually happen before someone dies.**

**Next time on Dead Boy's Ballet****: People aren't pleased with Severus's decision to be adopted by the Evans and Dumbledore weighs in. And with the trial coming up- Severus must prepare himself for his final confrontation with his father.**


End file.
